Reality bites

Today I really really tried to do everything right. I had breakfast. I'd arranged to meet a friend so I couldn't get out of it. James was lined up to meet me with his bicycle and some water. I was all set to try the proprietary sports drink I've avoided like the plague thus far, to see if it helped with the light-headedness thing. And I kept going - I did 21 miles, and didn't start to walk until 18 miles.

But here's the thing - in terms of time, all this made little or no difference. The 18 miles I mostly walked a fortnight ago took me 4 hours and 8 minutes. The 18 miles I ran today took me 4 hours and 4 minutes. No matter what I do, I seem to be looking at a finish time approaching 6 hours. Six hours! I know I didn't go into this as an aspiring athlete, but I did think that by putting in the hours and doing the runs, I might be able to aim for five hours. Or something. A time that doesn't sound as though I walked the whole way. All this time, I've been saying, I just want to finish, I just want to finish. And that's still true, of course. But with just five weeks to go, I've realised that this is it. I'm not going to get any faster.

So my next challenge - and one I hadn't expected to face - is not to mind and to focus on what's important. I'm not a runner - it's never been a hobby - this was all very new to me and I've had to work on my own. What's important is the Wegener's Trust, raising funds and awareness. What's important is James and the children. What's important is all the support I've had so far (and please don't stop!) None of these things will change if I run in five, six, seven hours. I've just got to not mind.